Wit - no wisdom?

Some things are just plain funny, and it doesn't matter if we learn a lesson from them...therefore, I shall plow ahead and tell the stories without any particular purpose but to share them. I do hope that you laugh (or at least smile).

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

My doctor says I am typical.  Actually, every health care person in my life says I am typical.  I earned this label by asking questions about bothersome changes in my health.  The answer has become standard, "this is typical for your age."  Thank you very much, I am so grateful to be typical.  To be aged. 

Thus begins the standard reaction to my bothersome issues - grease it up.  Dry eyes?  Wash your eyes out every morning.  Follow this with special viscous eye drops, the ones that cost $25 for a months' supply.  Blink profusely for about an hour before you can actually read the morning paper.  Use less expensive eye drops all day, especially if you are indoors, or outdoors, or active, or not.  Use the expensive drops again towards the late afternoon, then at night pull down your lower lid and smudge greasy stuff (about $12 a tube) into your eyes and hope you can find your way to the bed. 

This is just the eyes.  Let's move on to the skin.  Do you like the appearance of dry crepe?  I don't.  But it is typical for your age.  Try more lotion, more often.  Special face lotion.  A different one for around the eyes (delicate area).  Different hand lotion.  Legs and arms get something else.  Cracked heels cream.  Coat your hair - it's dry! 

Nails and cuticles so dry they crack and hurt?  Oil them.  A lot.  Of course you can't touch anything for a while, but try to do it when you are not busy.  Not busy?  I'm constantly busy creaming and oiling up my body parts.

Brown spots.  Where the heck did they come from?  Are those my mother's hands?  No, they are mine, and now there is a twice daily cream added to the back of my hands to try to "diminish the appearance of brown age spots".  Lovely. 

I'm not even going to go into the greasing up of "other parts", let's save ourselves the "ugh".

Now I know why we sleep less as we age.  It's because we need more hours in the day to organize the order and application of our lotions, creams and gels.  And believe me, the order you put them on is important - you want to finish with the hands, because if you get going with that before you've done all the others you have to wash your hands and lose a step.  And believe me, you are washing your hands more frequently because they have to be clean to put on all the products.  And that makes your hands drier, so use more hand cream. 

I also need more time to organize my products.  Because when my eyes are blurry with goup, I have to grab for things without really seeing them clearly, which means the hemmorhoid cream could end up on the back of my hands for the whole brown spot thing.  These tubes can look alike when you are squinting through greasy crud.

I might just have to sleep in a vat of crisco.  But, that would be typical for my age, and I am typical.

4 comments:

  1. You make yourself sound like the Tin Man. Well, at least you've got a heart. Make sure that when you oil that, you use only poly-unsaturated.

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    1. I left out the lubricant for my "dry mouth" which the dentist says is "typical for my age". My heart is now getting Lipitor - after 10 years of refusing to take it; they have convinced me.
      But this is who I am now:). And I always liked the Tin Man. So shiny!

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  2. A post! Woo hoo! Perhaps I should start lubing up now in preparation???

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    1. Don't wait as long as I did - you don't want to be typical! But you have beautiful skin, and I pray that you take after the moister side of the family:)

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